...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
