Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
