he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
