How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize