Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
