I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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