My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
