Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
