pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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