3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize