Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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