I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
