I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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