Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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