I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
