did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize