So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
