WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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