Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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