you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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