We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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