my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
