so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
