you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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