I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
