My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
