so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
