GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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