She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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