Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
