he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
