birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
