There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
