dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
