Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
