Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
