you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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