apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
