Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Randomize
