I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
this is an emotional support booty call
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
