I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
