i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize