I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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