totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
