Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
