Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize