Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
