So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
