miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
