Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize