every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
