I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
