please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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