her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize