Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize