I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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