Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
