There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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