every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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