Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
