i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
