plz talk dirty to me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
