So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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