he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
