Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize